Spring Snowstorm... yet again

brrrr.... it's damp and cold which makes me sore... blah. Had a doctors appointment today for my yearly woman fun. We also talked about my fibro and how the alternative treatments were working, if I'd tried the meds she gave me to help sleep, etc. I admitted that I've been in a bit of a funk since I quit Dr. Voodoo and with that I also stopped massage. I said I feel like I'm in a bit of a grieving stage and learning to not pine for the old me and all I could do. I told her I know that I was neglecting myself and just throwing a bit of a pity party. She said we all do that and it's completely understandable. She said the fibro is such a frustrating condition and sometimes it will seem like there are no answers or solutions. I said that I think I will look for another acupuncturist as I know that it did help me in the beginning. I also recognize that it likely won't heal me but it can help me manage the symptoms better. She is going to do some bloodwork again to see if my RA levels have increased at all. She said I could try taking the Amitriptyline more consistently as some people find that it helps with the pain as well as getting the rest. My challenge is that it will zoink me for a solid 12 hours and I don't hear my kids... not a problem when the King is home but he travels alot this month. I may give it a go while he is home for a week straight. I've only taken them when absolutely exhausted from nights of insomnia. I start another year with insurance so I can head back to massage again without worrying about the out of pocket. Will book an appointment soon. Seriously considering trying a chiropractor who also specializes in acupuncture. Need to get my bloodwork and mammogram appointments settled first. Trying not to overschedule myself but with kids in soccer 5 times a week it can be tough.

Thanks for bearing with me and my complaining. I have been trying hard not to post when I feel like total crap. I do realize how blessed I am that this is not a condition that will take my life. I do know that there are others who have far worse burdens to bear. I'm doing what I can to work through the grief of losing who I was and trying to find the new me in all this.

Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

I don't have anything brilliant to share to make you understand FMS. I'm still trying to come to a full understanding of it myself. I think I'm finally in the grieving stage after struggling with this diagnosis for over a year now. It's not a fun stage. I'm missing the old me and all that I used to be able to accomplish, plan to do, do for my family, think, etc. I'm feeling lost and having a time coming to terms with who I am now and what I am good for. I waffle between frustration, depression and sometimes slip into denial. Denial isn't a smart move because than I push myself too hard and pay for it for days.

I was I had the solution to living my best life in spite of this torment. I'm not there yet. I hope I will get there. I hope I will find the right combination of alternative therapies to cope with the challenges that FMS brings to my life. Meantime I'm doing the best I can......

Who beat me up?

I feel like someone beat the life out of me last night. My whole body aches. It hurts to walk, to move, to type, to breath. I have to get the Jester to his first soccer game tonight. I'm still single parenting as the King is away til tomorrow, home briefly and then gone again. My brain is fried. I'm sick of pain. I can't find a silver lining anywhere.

What is FMS?

Some good information about Fibromyalgia that is written in plain english. Many in my own family don't understand it. With Fibromyalgia Awareness Day coming up on May 12th, I thought I'd do what I can to help others grasp why I can be such a whiner.

Losing it

I can't cope with this pain. It keeps getting worse. I feel so useless. My patience is very thin. I hate myself. I hate trying to function through gritted teeth. I wish the meds didn't put me in such a haze. I don't know what to do or how to cope anymore. I feel so alone in this horrible thing. God help me.

Still having hand challenges

I've still been having quite a bit of hand pain. It makes typing difficult. The weather has been up and down so I'm sure that plays a part in it. Along with the hand pain comes my regular pains. Didn't have a huge flare up as a result of PMS this go around. We were without water due to a water main break for 2 days which made it harder to manage the day without my hot shower. I think the Sierra Sil helps because I felt worse when I stopped taking it for a week. Wish I could be pain free. It really wears on a person. Having hand pain really isolates me from my imaginary cyber world and we all know that the real life people lost patience with my illness long ago. The King is gone alot in the next while. Soccer has started so I'm doing all I can to make it through. The house could be falling apart as a result but I just can't manage it all and soccer seems to matter the most to the royal family at the moment.

In a nutshell... what Fibro is.....