brrrr.... it's damp and cold which makes me sore... blah. Had a doctors appointment today for my yearly woman fun. We also talked about my fibro and how the alternative treatments were working, if I'd tried the meds she gave me to help sleep, etc. I admitted that I've been in a bit of a funk since I quit Dr. Voodoo and with that I also stopped massage. I said I feel like I'm in a bit of a grieving stage and learning to not pine for the old me and all I could do. I told her I know that I was neglecting myself and just throwing a bit of a pity party. She said we all do that and it's completely understandable. She said the fibro is such a frustrating condition and sometimes it will seem like there are no answers or solutions. I said that I think I will look for another acupuncturist as I know that it did help me in the beginning. I also recognize that it likely won't heal me but it can help me manage the symptoms better. She is going to do some bloodwork again to see if my RA levels have increased at all. She said I could try taking the Amitriptyline more consistently as some people find that it helps with the pain as well as getting the rest. My challenge is that it will zoink me for a solid 12 hours and I don't hear my kids... not a problem when the King is home but he travels alot this month. I may give it a go while he is home for a week straight. I've only taken them when absolutely exhausted from nights of insomnia. I start another year with insurance so I can head back to massage again without worrying about the out of pocket. Will book an appointment soon. Seriously considering trying a chiropractor who also specializes in acupuncture. Need to get my bloodwork and mammogram appointments settled first. Trying not to overschedule myself but with kids in soccer 5 times a week it can be tough.
Thanks for bearing with me and my complaining. I have been trying hard not to post when I feel like total crap. I do realize how blessed I am that this is not a condition that will take my life. I do know that there are others who have far worse burdens to bear. I'm doing what I can to work through the grief of losing who I was and trying to find the new me in all this.
Showing posts with label acupuncture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label acupuncture. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I broke up with Dr. X
We had an appointment scheduled for next week. I came home yesterday from another appointment (my nails which means a couple of hours of adult conversation with a lady who has also become a friend)to a message from the Wellness centre wanting to reschedule my appointment due to a family crisis for Dr. X. (I know kick him while he's down but I doubt he'll notice when I don't return) I had a frank conversation with M (she's the one that talked me through my psycho Ricky Bobby moment) and said I just feel like he's not hearing me and I need someone who has some more empathy and understanding. I don't think it's an awful thing that "I so sensitive" and the fact that I went into panic attack and had to cancel my last appointment shows me that the trust factor is gone between me and Dr. X. She was understanding and told me to do what is best for me! I scheduled a massage for next Tuesday with my angel Joyce.
Dr. X only works Mondays at the Wellness and Joyce doesn't work those days so I likely won't see him again. I'm sorry for his family troubles and do wish him the best. I appreciate what he has done for me but I don't feel I should have to compromise my feelings and beliefs because he is so set and his ways. There is a serious communication breakdown between us which is likely due to language and the fact that he just wants me to do everything according to his ways.
My sweet nail lady gave me the number and name of another acupuncturist that her friend sees and she drives from a city 1.5+ hours away to go there. I looked them up online and what impresses me from the get go is the information on the site and their leaning towards education. I think that was most frustrating for me with Dr. X, I had to go home and google like a madwoman to figure out what he was saying and why he wanted to do certain things. I'm going to give them a call and book a consult. Then I will see what I decide to do. In the meantime, I'm going to go back to my western herbs as I know they were making me feel better. I'll try to post more about that regimine this weekend (give me some grace as I may forget).
Dr. X only works Mondays at the Wellness and Joyce doesn't work those days so I likely won't see him again. I'm sorry for his family troubles and do wish him the best. I appreciate what he has done for me but I don't feel I should have to compromise my feelings and beliefs because he is so set and his ways. There is a serious communication breakdown between us which is likely due to language and the fact that he just wants me to do everything according to his ways.
My sweet nail lady gave me the number and name of another acupuncturist that her friend sees and she drives from a city 1.5+ hours away to go there. I looked them up online and what impresses me from the get go is the information on the site and their leaning towards education. I think that was most frustrating for me with Dr. X, I had to go home and google like a madwoman to figure out what he was saying and why he wanted to do certain things. I'm going to give them a call and book a consult. Then I will see what I decide to do. In the meantime, I'm going to go back to my western herbs as I know they were making me feel better. I'll try to post more about that regimine this weekend (give me some grace as I may forget).
Monday, March 9, 2009
Couldn't do it...
I just couldn't bring myself to go to Dr. X this morning. I was getting anxious again, the weather is pure crap and I just couldn't do it. I called and canceled. My next scheduled appointment is 2 weeks from now. I'm just so conflicted. I want to be well but my anxiety is through the roof this morning. I don't have anxiety attacks. I've done depression but not this panic thing. It's not comfortable territory for me at all. I'm not sleeping without aid of something this past week. I'm tired today.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Help me Tom Cruise!!!
I'm starting to have some anxiety about my appointment with Dr. X on Monday. I really feel like I need to commit to this line of treatment. I'm trusting and hoping that I will see the results I had in December in the very near future. However, I'm terrified of the Barbie fire pit and the smoking cigar. HRH said he would come with me to my appointment so that makes me feel a little bit better. He said he wanted to be there if I had another Ricky Bobby meltdown heh... he's joking.... at least I think he is... he will laugh me through the process and the fact that he's a firefighter should ensure that I won't be set on fire. I just hope I don't have some teenage wasteland flashback reaction again. It's too darn cold for me to be running around in my underwear.....
I'm having some sleep issues again but AF has left the building so I'm feeling a bit stronger physically. We've been in blizzard mode here so that always reeks havoc with my body but I'd say today was a better day than most have been lately.
I'm having some sleep issues again but AF has left the building so I'm feeling a bit stronger physically. We've been in blizzard mode here so that always reeks havoc with my body but I'd say today was a better day than most have been lately.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Get me out of here!
Yesterday was Dr. X day. I was not all that enthusiastic about going and really wanted to stay home under the blankets. It started snowing like crazy and I just wasn't feeling great. The King drove me as he had a few things to do and figured he'd get them done while I was getting my treatment. Things started off as usual and he said he would teach me to do somethings to help with my stagnant "cold" (TCM divides things into "cold", "heat", "wind", "damp", etc) which is what is causing me to not feel so great. He checked my pulse points and tongue, remarked at my weight loss and how I look younger. We proceeded to the room where he does acupuncture where he put more needles in my hands than usual and 2 in my face, which he had never done before and I have to admit it freaked me out a little. I was feeling pretty relaxed and he left the room. Shortly he returned with a Barbie sized chimenia and some white string. He said he was going to teach me something for my "cold". Next thing I know the chimenia is strapped to my belly with the white cord which was elastic, it was tight and not comfortable at all. Then he wets a piece of the tissue I'm laying on and puts it under the chimenia pot. He proceeds to light a cigar like thing which instantly smelled disgusting. He explains to me that it is perfectly safe and if it feels hot I can move it up and it will relieve the heat feeling, that I'm to use this for 20 minutes. He puts it in the chimney of the chiminea and leaves the room.
After I don't know how much time I start to feel the heat, it's not just hot but feels like it is burning. I raise the cigar up and wait, no relief, raise it more and still no relief. I started to freak out as it felt like my stomach was burning. I thought to myself that I can't take it right out of the chimney because I'm laying on tissue paper and I'll be on fire if an ash hits it. I call for the doctor and all I can hear is the buzzing of the machines at the drycleaners next door. Tears start pouring out of my eyes like you turned a tap on, my breathing is erratic, I push the heat lamp away from me (all the while it is difficult to even use my hands as I have so many needles in them and in my elbow joint, there is some shooting pain with my frantic actions. I holler again for the doctor and finally the receptionist comes in. I tell her that I'm burning and I need this thing off me. He comes in while still on the cell phone, sees the river of tears and she tells him that I want it off. I say it's burning, he shows me how to raise it and I freak and tell him to get it off. He says "ok, ok... you ok. Relax, why you so sensitive?" He takes it off and leaves!!!!! I'm in full blown panic attack by now and so thankful that sweet M, the receptionist comes back and helps to calm me down. I want these needles out and I want to go home. I was in full blown caged animal terror and panic attack like I never remember ever experiencing. She assures me that while there is a red mark it doesn't look too bad. M talks me through some deep breathing and gets me calmer. She then gets him to come and take the needles out and tries to explain to him that I've had a panic attack (he is off the phone now). He removes the needles, does some massaging of my forehead and pulls my ears, asks if I ok and tells me again "you ok". He tells me to relax and lay still, leaves the room again. M asks if I'm ok and goes as well.
I get up and phone the King, all I said was "you need to pick me up now", it's only been an hour since he dropped me off. He asks no questions and comes. (He was in the next city so it took a little bit). M talks to me again, is so sweet and understanding. Dr. X comes back and explains to me that I was not burning and how I need this treatment to get rid of the cold. He says next time... I look at him like he is insane. M says that if I decide to try it again that she will sit with me through it. She is so apologetic about everything, I was not given the bell (never have been before and didn't even know it was an option) and says she is so sorry she did not check on me earlier. Dr. X says I need to trust him and work with him or he can't help me. I feel like I'm out of my body. M is my advocate and talks to him about how the experience and how I've been feeling. She asks him if he notices an improvement in me, even though I feel like I've gone backwards. He tries to explain like he has to me before and then he goes and comes back with a paper. He says his english is not so good and if I read this maybe I understand better. It is obviously translated from chinese and the english is a bit off but it makes sense. I feel better about continuing the treatment but I'm not so sure about the smoking cigar. I get my herbs and my King arrives to rescue me.
We have to go back to the city as he did not get everything done. I'm totally exhausted and lay back in my seat dozing while he does his thing. We have to hit Costco to buy food for the breakfast program at the school, I'm embarrassed that I'm in yoga pants (I never wear that kind of thing anywhere but to my therapy appointments (acupuncture and massage) because I go straight home) but the King says not to worry about it as I still look better than most people who are dressed in real clothes. (love that guy). By the time we get home I'm so exhausted I can barely think straight. I have barely an hour before the crew gets home from school and I'm out of it on the couch. I was just done for the rest of the night and my sweet King even made dinner. I had some trouble getting to sleep and ended up taking a pill. I have some self-acupuncture pads in my ear and when I layed a certain way while I was tossing and turning I'd feel the effects of 6 little pricks poking into my ear at once. He claims I will be able to keep them 1-2 weeks but I can't see that happening. I will have to cover my ear when I shower and I do that daily so I don't know how long they will last.
I did some research on this "cold" stagnant thing and it lines up with the things I've been feeling. Typical treatment is moxibustion which seems to be similar to what he was trying to do. I don't know why I had such a strong emotional reaction to it. I have not been prone to anxiety or panic attacks. It was a terrifying experience and not one that I want to repeat any time soon.
After I don't know how much time I start to feel the heat, it's not just hot but feels like it is burning. I raise the cigar up and wait, no relief, raise it more and still no relief. I started to freak out as it felt like my stomach was burning. I thought to myself that I can't take it right out of the chimney because I'm laying on tissue paper and I'll be on fire if an ash hits it. I call for the doctor and all I can hear is the buzzing of the machines at the drycleaners next door. Tears start pouring out of my eyes like you turned a tap on, my breathing is erratic, I push the heat lamp away from me (all the while it is difficult to even use my hands as I have so many needles in them and in my elbow joint, there is some shooting pain with my frantic actions. I holler again for the doctor and finally the receptionist comes in. I tell her that I'm burning and I need this thing off me. He comes in while still on the cell phone, sees the river of tears and she tells him that I want it off. I say it's burning, he shows me how to raise it and I freak and tell him to get it off. He says "ok, ok... you ok. Relax, why you so sensitive?" He takes it off and leaves!!!!! I'm in full blown panic attack by now and so thankful that sweet M, the receptionist comes back and helps to calm me down. I want these needles out and I want to go home. I was in full blown caged animal terror and panic attack like I never remember ever experiencing. She assures me that while there is a red mark it doesn't look too bad. M talks me through some deep breathing and gets me calmer. She then gets him to come and take the needles out and tries to explain to him that I've had a panic attack (he is off the phone now). He removes the needles, does some massaging of my forehead and pulls my ears, asks if I ok and tells me again "you ok". He tells me to relax and lay still, leaves the room again. M asks if I'm ok and goes as well.
I get up and phone the King, all I said was "you need to pick me up now", it's only been an hour since he dropped me off. He asks no questions and comes. (He was in the next city so it took a little bit). M talks to me again, is so sweet and understanding. Dr. X comes back and explains to me that I was not burning and how I need this treatment to get rid of the cold. He says next time... I look at him like he is insane. M says that if I decide to try it again that she will sit with me through it. She is so apologetic about everything, I was not given the bell (never have been before and didn't even know it was an option) and says she is so sorry she did not check on me earlier. Dr. X says I need to trust him and work with him or he can't help me. I feel like I'm out of my body. M is my advocate and talks to him about how the experience and how I've been feeling. She asks him if he notices an improvement in me, even though I feel like I've gone backwards. He tries to explain like he has to me before and then he goes and comes back with a paper. He says his english is not so good and if I read this maybe I understand better. It is obviously translated from chinese and the english is a bit off but it makes sense. I feel better about continuing the treatment but I'm not so sure about the smoking cigar. I get my herbs and my King arrives to rescue me.
We have to go back to the city as he did not get everything done. I'm totally exhausted and lay back in my seat dozing while he does his thing. We have to hit Costco to buy food for the breakfast program at the school, I'm embarrassed that I'm in yoga pants (I never wear that kind of thing anywhere but to my therapy appointments (acupuncture and massage) because I go straight home) but the King says not to worry about it as I still look better than most people who are dressed in real clothes. (love that guy). By the time we get home I'm so exhausted I can barely think straight. I have barely an hour before the crew gets home from school and I'm out of it on the couch. I was just done for the rest of the night and my sweet King even made dinner. I had some trouble getting to sleep and ended up taking a pill. I have some self-acupuncture pads in my ear and when I layed a certain way while I was tossing and turning I'd feel the effects of 6 little pricks poking into my ear at once. He claims I will be able to keep them 1-2 weeks but I can't see that happening. I will have to cover my ear when I shower and I do that daily so I don't know how long they will last.
I did some research on this "cold" stagnant thing and it lines up with the things I've been feeling. Typical treatment is moxibustion which seems to be similar to what he was trying to do. I don't know why I had such a strong emotional reaction to it. I have not been prone to anxiety or panic attacks. It was a terrifying experience and not one that I want to repeat any time soon.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Disappointment
I had to cancel lunch with a friend today. I'm really disappointed because it's not something we are able to do often. Who am I kidding.. it's not that I have a heap of friends irl. She was very understanding but I still feel awful canceling. We were meeting in a nearby town and the thought of doing my hair, driving (means I can't even take OTC pain meds, yes my tolerance is that low) was just way too much for me today. I hate it that my body is grieving me so right now. It hurts around the muscles in my chest when I take a breath this morning. I'm going to have to break down and take something which will mean a loopy few hours but hopefully it will take the edge off the owies.
It has been a difficult week and my energy levels are so low. I feel like I am losing my mind at times because my brain is so foggy. There are times when I could swear I've had a certain conversation or sent an email or even made a blog post but it has never happened. Makes me feel like I'm on the edge of dementia at times. I need to get back onto my lists to keep things in order. I haven't had to do that for a long while and got out of habit.
I just don't know what to do anymore. On Monday I see Dr. X again and I'm going to talk to him about the herbs. I'm obviously missing something that I had in my concoction in December. I just don't know why it went from helping me so much to it seemingly having zero effect. I'm starting to slip into a bit of the blues which isn't a place I ever like to go. It's just been difficult to go from feeling so great to being back to this. This is not the life I want but it is the one I have. I need to find a way to get on top of this mentally and spiritually. Right now I feel like I'm wallowing but I'm so darn tired I can't seem to muster the strength to fight.
It has been a difficult week and my energy levels are so low. I feel like I am losing my mind at times because my brain is so foggy. There are times when I could swear I've had a certain conversation or sent an email or even made a blog post but it has never happened. Makes me feel like I'm on the edge of dementia at times. I need to get back onto my lists to keep things in order. I haven't had to do that for a long while and got out of habit.
I just don't know what to do anymore. On Monday I see Dr. X again and I'm going to talk to him about the herbs. I'm obviously missing something that I had in my concoction in December. I just don't know why it went from helping me so much to it seemingly having zero effect. I'm starting to slip into a bit of the blues which isn't a place I ever like to go. It's just been difficult to go from feeling so great to being back to this. This is not the life I want but it is the one I have. I need to find a way to get on top of this mentally and spiritually. Right now I feel like I'm wallowing but I'm so darn tired I can't seem to muster the strength to fight.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I wish I could find it
My energy has disappeared and I so wish I could find it. I'm exhausted after doing the simplest things like grooming. gah Upside is I'm not sleeping til 10:00 am because I was up til 4. My clock seems to have reset itself for 9 am and I'm ok with that right now. I'm so thankful for my awesome husband who takes care of the morning routine with the kids. What a blessing that he works from home and is able to do that for me, for us, for them. I know many men who would grumble even if they were working from home because that is not their "job" but my man is such a hands on parent. So often during my hell I think he is the better parent. I try not to beat myself up for that and be grateful for it.....but it's hard when your bodys fails and you feel like you fail everyone you care about in the process. AF has left the building and my pain has subsided greatly. Dr. X. really did a number on me yesterday with my pressure points. My hips are still rather tender from the acupressure and subsequent acupuncture. My generalized all over body achiness is better though so I'll take the pain where I have it over the it-hurts-to-wear-clothes pain.
I will do my best to take it easy today and try to find my energy. I have to prepare food for Valentines parties on Friday for the Jester and the Little Prince, deal with a monthly PTA fundraiser on Thursday and get a birthday present for our Princess sometime this week. The King has taken care of the birthday events. He will be taking the Princess to Apple school on Saturday, they are taking a Jam class. Then on Sunday we've made arrangements to take her 2 BFFs to the matinee and the Marble Slab for birthday ice cream. No pressure on me to feel good and entertain a houseful of girls. YEAH!
I'm so glad we decided to do our Valentine's cards early. This year it was individual popcorn packets (we have no allergies in either class this year) for the Jester and the Little Prince's classes. We made wrap around labels from construction paper that they decorated and wrote the names on. I know I could have had something done that looked fancy but I really think that the Valentine's should be done by them not me. Princess found a scrappin kit to make cards for her girls and then recycled some left over store bought ones for the boys in her class, she put together little treat bags with erasers, candy and popcorn. The Princess even had two things of XO soap squirrelled away, from a stash of Valentine's day goodies that Auntie C sent her from CA a few years ago, to give to her teachers.
I'd better run and take my herbs before I forget about them.
I will do my best to take it easy today and try to find my energy. I have to prepare food for Valentines parties on Friday for the Jester and the Little Prince, deal with a monthly PTA fundraiser on Thursday and get a birthday present for our Princess sometime this week. The King has taken care of the birthday events. He will be taking the Princess to Apple school on Saturday, they are taking a Jam class. Then on Sunday we've made arrangements to take her 2 BFFs to the matinee and the Marble Slab for birthday ice cream. No pressure on me to feel good and entertain a houseful of girls. YEAH!
I'm so glad we decided to do our Valentine's cards early. This year it was individual popcorn packets (we have no allergies in either class this year) for the Jester and the Little Prince's classes. We made wrap around labels from construction paper that they decorated and wrote the names on. I know I could have had something done that looked fancy but I really think that the Valentine's should be done by them not me. Princess found a scrappin kit to make cards for her girls and then recycled some left over store bought ones for the boys in her class, she put together little treat bags with erasers, candy and popcorn. The Princess even had two things of XO soap squirrelled away, from a stash of Valentine's day goodies that Auntie C sent her from CA a few years ago, to give to her teachers.
I'd better run and take my herbs before I forget about them.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Today was my weekly appointment with Dr. X (he is a traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) doctor and acupuncturist). I was feeling really lousy after my horrible week. I asked him what he thought of the correlation of worse pain and the week before AF and the arrival of. He was proud of me for being able to make a connection and said that we can work on that and hopefully next time I won't have such a horrid week. He asked if I did my homework - I have various pressure points that I need to massage when I'm experiencing pain. I can't seem to rub them as hard as he does (ouch!) but I do my best. It works best when my hubs does it for me. We also talked about my weight loss and I joked with him that my husband wants him to put those weight loss needles in another spot because I'm losing too much boobage. I bought new bras in late November and I can literally put a fist in the gap space that I now have in them. I'm going to try to hold off another month or so before investing in new bras (why are they so freakin expensive?). I may have to resort to socks to fill out the space lol.
It was a very long appointment today, I'm not sure if he forgot about me or just decided that I needed to be a pin cushion for longer than usual but my bladder was ready to burst by the time he came in and removed the needles. After my needles I go to have my head steamed with an herbal concotion on it. I come out of there with some dang sexy hair! Just as I was about to sit in the steam chair I grabbed my left temple as it was throbbing. He right away asked if I was okay and I said I had a sharp pain and headache all of a sudden. He said not to worry and he rubbed my forehead, pulled my ears and then tapped on various places on my head (totally bizarre but the pain went away so I'm gonna roll with it). I came out of the wellness center to snow...blah.... I had hoped we were seeing an end to winter.
I'm always tired on acupuncture days and wish I had time for a nap but school will be out soon. At least I have made supper already so I can just relax with the kids til it is time to throw it in the oven.
It was a very long appointment today, I'm not sure if he forgot about me or just decided that I needed to be a pin cushion for longer than usual but my bladder was ready to burst by the time he came in and removed the needles. After my needles I go to have my head steamed with an herbal concotion on it. I come out of there with some dang sexy hair! Just as I was about to sit in the steam chair I grabbed my left temple as it was throbbing. He right away asked if I was okay and I said I had a sharp pain and headache all of a sudden. He said not to worry and he rubbed my forehead, pulled my ears and then tapped on various places on my head (totally bizarre but the pain went away so I'm gonna roll with it). I came out of the wellness center to snow...blah.... I had hoped we were seeing an end to winter.
I'm always tired on acupuncture days and wish I had time for a nap but school will be out soon. At least I have made supper already so I can just relax with the kids til it is time to throw it in the oven.
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