Showing posts with label mood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mood. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A little update
I went for another infra-red body wrap a week ago. It was pouring rain that day and the warmth felt amazing. I was really worried that I may not have the same results as the first time because the weather was so miserable and rain really sends my fibro into fits. I felt great afterwards. I had a bit of stiffness later in the evening but not the pain I'd been coping with earlier. We are in crazy busy time of year around here. We had a soccer tourney all weekend which meant driving and running between fields (3 boys in 3 different age groups all playing at different times), dragging chairs in and out of the van, packing coolers, sitting in the hot sun for hours on end, etc. I made it through the whole weekend without any ill effects. My normal routine after doing so much all weekend would be to crash on Monday but I did not and even went out shopping with my neighbor for several hours IN THE MORNING!!!! YEAH ME!!! LOL I purchased a package of the wraps and will go as I feel it is necessary. I'm also faithfully taking my coQ10 and my Gingko. Very encouraged by the results I'm getting with this treatment and feeling more like a normal person every day... whatever normal is for this crazy gal!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Spring???
Do I dare say it? The forecast for this week is all above 0 temps. Is it possible that spring has finally come to the great white north? I sure hope so. The cold wreaks havoc with my fibro and the up and down temps are almost too much to try to cope with bodywise. Spring and summer are definitely better for me so I hope that this is it.
I've just finished week 2 of my herbs and I feel like I have more energy. I am having some pain in my shoulder area and my knees have their moments. My pelvis area isn't as bad as it was mid-March so maybe things are looking up.
I'm cautiously optimistic. I always feel dramatically better once AF has left the building.
I've just finished week 2 of my herbs and I feel like I have more energy. I am having some pain in my shoulder area and my knees have their moments. My pelvis area isn't as bad as it was mid-March so maybe things are looking up.
I'm cautiously optimistic. I always feel dramatically better once AF has left the building.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Weekly update
Tomorrow it will be a week since I started back on my herbs and added the new one, Sierra Sil. I have to say that my mood has improved and I'm feeling more like myself mentally. For my mood to be improving this week is no small feat because I should be in the throes of PMS. I think my energy levels are getting better as well. I need to work on managing my stress and pacing myself. Why is this such an impossible thing for me?
Today I purchased some Gardener's Dream Cream - Hallelujah. I noticed on the website that several Sangsters stores carried it so decided to check out the one I got my Sierra Sil from. They have revamped their packaging so I thought that I might have missed in on the shelf when I was there last week. They did not have it in stock and did not carry it. When I told her that the website said other Sangsters did she phoned one in the next city and then had her husband pick it up from there as he was in that city. It was well worth the extra trip back to the city tonight to pick it up as I can feel it working in my knees already. She said that she will now make sure to carry the product. I am very thankful for the special effort she and her husband took to get me this product. They will definitely be my first stop for my herbs and supps. She also encouraged me to try a sample of Natural Calm so we shall see how that goes.
The King talked to some representatives from Yame Tea who were in the store with samples of their line of tea. We ended up purchasing some of that as well. I was pleasantly surprised that it lacked that bitter quality you often find with green tea. I need to cut back, if not eliminate my coffee addiction and this tea supposedly has great benefits. I was most interested in it's relaxing qualities for sleep as well as potential relief of joint pain. I'll keep you posted on it's effectiveness. If it does nothing else but help me to get to sleep better than it is worth it.
Today I purchased some Gardener's Dream Cream - Hallelujah. I noticed on the website that several Sangsters stores carried it so decided to check out the one I got my Sierra Sil from. They have revamped their packaging so I thought that I might have missed in on the shelf when I was there last week. They did not have it in stock and did not carry it. When I told her that the website said other Sangsters did she phoned one in the next city and then had her husband pick it up from there as he was in that city. It was well worth the extra trip back to the city tonight to pick it up as I can feel it working in my knees already. She said that she will now make sure to carry the product. I am very thankful for the special effort she and her husband took to get me this product. They will definitely be my first stop for my herbs and supps. She also encouraged me to try a sample of Natural Calm so we shall see how that goes.
The King talked to some representatives from Yame Tea who were in the store with samples of their line of tea. We ended up purchasing some of that as well. I was pleasantly surprised that it lacked that bitter quality you often find with green tea. I need to cut back, if not eliminate my coffee addiction and this tea supposedly has great benefits. I was most interested in it's relaxing qualities for sleep as well as potential relief of joint pain. I'll keep you posted on it's effectiveness. If it does nothing else but help me to get to sleep better than it is worth it.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Some days I just want to cry
I got rid of my self-acupuncture pads late last night. My ear was aching and I'd had enough of the headache from Monday already. I felt so out of sorts still and was hoping that I'd alleviate at least one of my symptoms by taking those retched bandaids of pain off. My headache is gone as well as my earache. Thank the Lord! I had to take something for the pain last night which made me sleep like a log once it kicked in.
Since I woke without a headache and feeling a bit better for the first time in over a week I got right to things and hopped in the shower right away (I normally have to muster up the strength to do this and I dawdle around in my jammies for a few hours first). The laundry basket was overflowing so I hauled it downstairs (normally I'd call on the King but he is not feeling well today). I nearly slipped on my way down the basement stairs which should of been my first indication that I should not venture down there. I could not believe the mess. The Prince and the Princess had been assigned the task of keeping up with the laundry by the King. They'd been read the royal riot act earlier this past week when he ventured down to the dungeon for something and saw the disaster (laundry and their rooms). So they'd had a week to get their act together and were even grounded from TV a few nights so they could do so. Unfortunately the King did not follow up and check their work. I just couldn't bear the stress of a disaster this past week. I knew that any stress would send me off the deep end physically so I avoided the dungeon. I asked them several times if they washed this load or that load, if there were more things to wash, etc. The Prince even chose to stay home while we ran errands on Saturday so he could catch up on all the laundry and his other chores (fools we are... he obviously played Wii and watched TV only doing the chores that would be most noticeable to us).
I'm so disappointed on so many levels. *sigh* I had been fooled into thinking that the Prince was actually learning how hard this is on me and had decided to take a more responsible approach to his chores and a more respectful way in treating me. He had spent 4 days with the royal grandparents and came back with some humility and a better attitude (fool I am to think that would last but thankful that my Mom had some empathy for me and that my Dad took the time to spend some time with his oldest grandson one on one). The Princess is starting to slack in the helping department but I think that is largely due to the Prince treating her like Cinderella at times and expecting her to do it all. I try to stay on top of that but she carries the burden rather than sharing it because she sees I'm suffering. I hate that she feels the need to try to protect me and I need to talk to her again about letting me be the parent despite my situation. It has been so hard for me to not be all my family needs me to be. Some days it takes everything I have to ensure that their is dinner on the table, lunches made, homework done and everyone is where they need to be that night. Many days that is all I am able to accomplish. I feel like I fail them often. I've learned to let some of the small things go and I do not have the house I used to have in the way of cleanliness, organization, over the top meals and homemade things for lunches.
So here I sit wishing for a laundry fairy and mourning, once again, what I once was.
Since I woke without a headache and feeling a bit better for the first time in over a week I got right to things and hopped in the shower right away (I normally have to muster up the strength to do this and I dawdle around in my jammies for a few hours first). The laundry basket was overflowing so I hauled it downstairs (normally I'd call on the King but he is not feeling well today). I nearly slipped on my way down the basement stairs which should of been my first indication that I should not venture down there. I could not believe the mess. The Prince and the Princess had been assigned the task of keeping up with the laundry by the King. They'd been read the royal riot act earlier this past week when he ventured down to the dungeon for something and saw the disaster (laundry and their rooms). So they'd had a week to get their act together and were even grounded from TV a few nights so they could do so. Unfortunately the King did not follow up and check their work. I just couldn't bear the stress of a disaster this past week. I knew that any stress would send me off the deep end physically so I avoided the dungeon. I asked them several times if they washed this load or that load, if there were more things to wash, etc. The Prince even chose to stay home while we ran errands on Saturday so he could catch up on all the laundry and his other chores (fools we are... he obviously played Wii and watched TV only doing the chores that would be most noticeable to us).
I'm so disappointed on so many levels. *sigh* I had been fooled into thinking that the Prince was actually learning how hard this is on me and had decided to take a more responsible approach to his chores and a more respectful way in treating me. He had spent 4 days with the royal grandparents and came back with some humility and a better attitude (fool I am to think that would last but thankful that my Mom had some empathy for me and that my Dad took the time to spend some time with his oldest grandson one on one). The Princess is starting to slack in the helping department but I think that is largely due to the Prince treating her like Cinderella at times and expecting her to do it all. I try to stay on top of that but she carries the burden rather than sharing it because she sees I'm suffering. I hate that she feels the need to try to protect me and I need to talk to her again about letting me be the parent despite my situation. It has been so hard for me to not be all my family needs me to be. Some days it takes everything I have to ensure that their is dinner on the table, lunches made, homework done and everyone is where they need to be that night. Many days that is all I am able to accomplish. I feel like I fail them often. I've learned to let some of the small things go and I do not have the house I used to have in the way of cleanliness, organization, over the top meals and homemade things for lunches.
So here I sit wishing for a laundry fairy and mourning, once again, what I once was.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Still not feeling like myself
I accomplished very little today. I took my herbs, did my acupressure points, my self-acupuncture, a shower, rested, made supper and lunches for tomorrow. I felt lightheaded and still kind of out of body most of the day. I don't know what the deal is. I hope tomorrow is better than this.
Get me out of here!
Yesterday was Dr. X day. I was not all that enthusiastic about going and really wanted to stay home under the blankets. It started snowing like crazy and I just wasn't feeling great. The King drove me as he had a few things to do and figured he'd get them done while I was getting my treatment. Things started off as usual and he said he would teach me to do somethings to help with my stagnant "cold" (TCM divides things into "cold", "heat", "wind", "damp", etc) which is what is causing me to not feel so great. He checked my pulse points and tongue, remarked at my weight loss and how I look younger. We proceeded to the room where he does acupuncture where he put more needles in my hands than usual and 2 in my face, which he had never done before and I have to admit it freaked me out a little. I was feeling pretty relaxed and he left the room. Shortly he returned with a Barbie sized chimenia and some white string. He said he was going to teach me something for my "cold". Next thing I know the chimenia is strapped to my belly with the white cord which was elastic, it was tight and not comfortable at all. Then he wets a piece of the tissue I'm laying on and puts it under the chimenia pot. He proceeds to light a cigar like thing which instantly smelled disgusting. He explains to me that it is perfectly safe and if it feels hot I can move it up and it will relieve the heat feeling, that I'm to use this for 20 minutes. He puts it in the chimney of the chiminea and leaves the room.
After I don't know how much time I start to feel the heat, it's not just hot but feels like it is burning. I raise the cigar up and wait, no relief, raise it more and still no relief. I started to freak out as it felt like my stomach was burning. I thought to myself that I can't take it right out of the chimney because I'm laying on tissue paper and I'll be on fire if an ash hits it. I call for the doctor and all I can hear is the buzzing of the machines at the drycleaners next door. Tears start pouring out of my eyes like you turned a tap on, my breathing is erratic, I push the heat lamp away from me (all the while it is difficult to even use my hands as I have so many needles in them and in my elbow joint, there is some shooting pain with my frantic actions. I holler again for the doctor and finally the receptionist comes in. I tell her that I'm burning and I need this thing off me. He comes in while still on the cell phone, sees the river of tears and she tells him that I want it off. I say it's burning, he shows me how to raise it and I freak and tell him to get it off. He says "ok, ok... you ok. Relax, why you so sensitive?" He takes it off and leaves!!!!! I'm in full blown panic attack by now and so thankful that sweet M, the receptionist comes back and helps to calm me down. I want these needles out and I want to go home. I was in full blown caged animal terror and panic attack like I never remember ever experiencing. She assures me that while there is a red mark it doesn't look too bad. M talks me through some deep breathing and gets me calmer. She then gets him to come and take the needles out and tries to explain to him that I've had a panic attack (he is off the phone now). He removes the needles, does some massaging of my forehead and pulls my ears, asks if I ok and tells me again "you ok". He tells me to relax and lay still, leaves the room again. M asks if I'm ok and goes as well.
I get up and phone the King, all I said was "you need to pick me up now", it's only been an hour since he dropped me off. He asks no questions and comes. (He was in the next city so it took a little bit). M talks to me again, is so sweet and understanding. Dr. X comes back and explains to me that I was not burning and how I need this treatment to get rid of the cold. He says next time... I look at him like he is insane. M says that if I decide to try it again that she will sit with me through it. She is so apologetic about everything, I was not given the bell (never have been before and didn't even know it was an option) and says she is so sorry she did not check on me earlier. Dr. X says I need to trust him and work with him or he can't help me. I feel like I'm out of my body. M is my advocate and talks to him about how the experience and how I've been feeling. She asks him if he notices an improvement in me, even though I feel like I've gone backwards. He tries to explain like he has to me before and then he goes and comes back with a paper. He says his english is not so good and if I read this maybe I understand better. It is obviously translated from chinese and the english is a bit off but it makes sense. I feel better about continuing the treatment but I'm not so sure about the smoking cigar. I get my herbs and my King arrives to rescue me.
We have to go back to the city as he did not get everything done. I'm totally exhausted and lay back in my seat dozing while he does his thing. We have to hit Costco to buy food for the breakfast program at the school, I'm embarrassed that I'm in yoga pants (I never wear that kind of thing anywhere but to my therapy appointments (acupuncture and massage) because I go straight home) but the King says not to worry about it as I still look better than most people who are dressed in real clothes. (love that guy). By the time we get home I'm so exhausted I can barely think straight. I have barely an hour before the crew gets home from school and I'm out of it on the couch. I was just done for the rest of the night and my sweet King even made dinner. I had some trouble getting to sleep and ended up taking a pill. I have some self-acupuncture pads in my ear and when I layed a certain way while I was tossing and turning I'd feel the effects of 6 little pricks poking into my ear at once. He claims I will be able to keep them 1-2 weeks but I can't see that happening. I will have to cover my ear when I shower and I do that daily so I don't know how long they will last.
I did some research on this "cold" stagnant thing and it lines up with the things I've been feeling. Typical treatment is moxibustion which seems to be similar to what he was trying to do. I don't know why I had such a strong emotional reaction to it. I have not been prone to anxiety or panic attacks. It was a terrifying experience and not one that I want to repeat any time soon.
After I don't know how much time I start to feel the heat, it's not just hot but feels like it is burning. I raise the cigar up and wait, no relief, raise it more and still no relief. I started to freak out as it felt like my stomach was burning. I thought to myself that I can't take it right out of the chimney because I'm laying on tissue paper and I'll be on fire if an ash hits it. I call for the doctor and all I can hear is the buzzing of the machines at the drycleaners next door. Tears start pouring out of my eyes like you turned a tap on, my breathing is erratic, I push the heat lamp away from me (all the while it is difficult to even use my hands as I have so many needles in them and in my elbow joint, there is some shooting pain with my frantic actions. I holler again for the doctor and finally the receptionist comes in. I tell her that I'm burning and I need this thing off me. He comes in while still on the cell phone, sees the river of tears and she tells him that I want it off. I say it's burning, he shows me how to raise it and I freak and tell him to get it off. He says "ok, ok... you ok. Relax, why you so sensitive?" He takes it off and leaves!!!!! I'm in full blown panic attack by now and so thankful that sweet M, the receptionist comes back and helps to calm me down. I want these needles out and I want to go home. I was in full blown caged animal terror and panic attack like I never remember ever experiencing. She assures me that while there is a red mark it doesn't look too bad. M talks me through some deep breathing and gets me calmer. She then gets him to come and take the needles out and tries to explain to him that I've had a panic attack (he is off the phone now). He removes the needles, does some massaging of my forehead and pulls my ears, asks if I ok and tells me again "you ok". He tells me to relax and lay still, leaves the room again. M asks if I'm ok and goes as well.
I get up and phone the King, all I said was "you need to pick me up now", it's only been an hour since he dropped me off. He asks no questions and comes. (He was in the next city so it took a little bit). M talks to me again, is so sweet and understanding. Dr. X comes back and explains to me that I was not burning and how I need this treatment to get rid of the cold. He says next time... I look at him like he is insane. M says that if I decide to try it again that she will sit with me through it. She is so apologetic about everything, I was not given the bell (never have been before and didn't even know it was an option) and says she is so sorry she did not check on me earlier. Dr. X says I need to trust him and work with him or he can't help me. I feel like I'm out of my body. M is my advocate and talks to him about how the experience and how I've been feeling. She asks him if he notices an improvement in me, even though I feel like I've gone backwards. He tries to explain like he has to me before and then he goes and comes back with a paper. He says his english is not so good and if I read this maybe I understand better. It is obviously translated from chinese and the english is a bit off but it makes sense. I feel better about continuing the treatment but I'm not so sure about the smoking cigar. I get my herbs and my King arrives to rescue me.
We have to go back to the city as he did not get everything done. I'm totally exhausted and lay back in my seat dozing while he does his thing. We have to hit Costco to buy food for the breakfast program at the school, I'm embarrassed that I'm in yoga pants (I never wear that kind of thing anywhere but to my therapy appointments (acupuncture and massage) because I go straight home) but the King says not to worry about it as I still look better than most people who are dressed in real clothes. (love that guy). By the time we get home I'm so exhausted I can barely think straight. I have barely an hour before the crew gets home from school and I'm out of it on the couch. I was just done for the rest of the night and my sweet King even made dinner. I had some trouble getting to sleep and ended up taking a pill. I have some self-acupuncture pads in my ear and when I layed a certain way while I was tossing and turning I'd feel the effects of 6 little pricks poking into my ear at once. He claims I will be able to keep them 1-2 weeks but I can't see that happening. I will have to cover my ear when I shower and I do that daily so I don't know how long they will last.
I did some research on this "cold" stagnant thing and it lines up with the things I've been feeling. Typical treatment is moxibustion which seems to be similar to what he was trying to do. I don't know why I had such a strong emotional reaction to it. I have not been prone to anxiety or panic attacks. It was a terrifying experience and not one that I want to repeat any time soon.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Disappointment
I had to cancel lunch with a friend today. I'm really disappointed because it's not something we are able to do often. Who am I kidding.. it's not that I have a heap of friends irl. She was very understanding but I still feel awful canceling. We were meeting in a nearby town and the thought of doing my hair, driving (means I can't even take OTC pain meds, yes my tolerance is that low) was just way too much for me today. I hate it that my body is grieving me so right now. It hurts around the muscles in my chest when I take a breath this morning. I'm going to have to break down and take something which will mean a loopy few hours but hopefully it will take the edge off the owies.
It has been a difficult week and my energy levels are so low. I feel like I am losing my mind at times because my brain is so foggy. There are times when I could swear I've had a certain conversation or sent an email or even made a blog post but it has never happened. Makes me feel like I'm on the edge of dementia at times. I need to get back onto my lists to keep things in order. I haven't had to do that for a long while and got out of habit.
I just don't know what to do anymore. On Monday I see Dr. X again and I'm going to talk to him about the herbs. I'm obviously missing something that I had in my concoction in December. I just don't know why it went from helping me so much to it seemingly having zero effect. I'm starting to slip into a bit of the blues which isn't a place I ever like to go. It's just been difficult to go from feeling so great to being back to this. This is not the life I want but it is the one I have. I need to find a way to get on top of this mentally and spiritually. Right now I feel like I'm wallowing but I'm so darn tired I can't seem to muster the strength to fight.
It has been a difficult week and my energy levels are so low. I feel like I am losing my mind at times because my brain is so foggy. There are times when I could swear I've had a certain conversation or sent an email or even made a blog post but it has never happened. Makes me feel like I'm on the edge of dementia at times. I need to get back onto my lists to keep things in order. I haven't had to do that for a long while and got out of habit.
I just don't know what to do anymore. On Monday I see Dr. X again and I'm going to talk to him about the herbs. I'm obviously missing something that I had in my concoction in December. I just don't know why it went from helping me so much to it seemingly having zero effect. I'm starting to slip into a bit of the blues which isn't a place I ever like to go. It's just been difficult to go from feeling so great to being back to this. This is not the life I want but it is the one I have. I need to find a way to get on top of this mentally and spiritually. Right now I feel like I'm wallowing but I'm so darn tired I can't seem to muster the strength to fight.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wiped
I'm so very tired today. I did go to be late last night (waiting for the King to return from a meeting) but I slept well. Still have the new pain and have that general 'blah I feel sick feeling' going on.
It's a gorgeous blue sky day today so that keeps my spirits ups. I'm pining for spring and am scheming ways to freshen up our decor in the living room. I've already schemed a new bathroom look and how I want to rearrange our bedroom (now I need to have the energy to shop and do the work). So today I will give myself a break and rest.
To my dear friends that have me on reader, thanks for putting up with my whining. I know this has been more of a whine blog than anything since I started but I'm hoping for better days. This kind of talk therapy helps me some and I appreciate you listening. When my head is clearer I will finish my posts about the kinds of treatment I've tried and the success or lack thereof in them.
It's a gorgeous blue sky day today so that keeps my spirits ups. I'm pining for spring and am scheming ways to freshen up our decor in the living room. I've already schemed a new bathroom look and how I want to rearrange our bedroom (now I need to have the energy to shop and do the work). So today I will give myself a break and rest.
To my dear friends that have me on reader, thanks for putting up with my whining. I know this has been more of a whine blog than anything since I started but I'm hoping for better days. This kind of talk therapy helps me some and I appreciate you listening. When my head is clearer I will finish my posts about the kinds of treatment I've tried and the success or lack thereof in them.
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