It's raining, it's pouring....

.... maybe I'd feel better if I was snoring?!?! The rain started overnight. I should have guessed it was coming as I was starting to feel poorly last night. However, we had a really busy weekend with soccer, piano recitals, etc. The King is out of town so that means I have to push it to the limit to get the crew to where they need to be without backup. I tried to take it easy yesterday orchestrating chores, helping the Princess organize her card making materials, supervising piano teacher cards, Father's Day cards and Father's Day crafts. I was still beat by the end of the day. Just as I thought I might finally be able to sleep (I have a hard time falling asleep when the King is absent) the Littlest Prince awoke complaining of a tummy ache. I got him situated in my bed with the royal barf bowl handy. He was restless and it took forever for both of us to get to sleep. He was tired this morning but his tummy was feeling better. I was hurting and knew that the lack of sunshine streaming into the room and the smell of rain, which I love, wafting in the window were to blame. I've had horrible pain across my shoulders the past week or so. Today I can lift my arms but it still hurts like crazy. I had hoped to finally get my routine bloodwork done so I could make a follow up appointment with my doctor and get that B12 shot. However, with the possibility of 2 soccer games tonight (oh how I hope they are rained out) and already feeling beat I just knew that I couldn't do it. It's frustrating to me. When I felt well enough to get the bloodwork done I had a sick child home for a week and then life ran away from me again. The King is away a good portion of June and with 3 boys in soccer 5 days a week, piano, school winding down, etc.... life is just crazy.

I managed to get an appointment on Wednesday for another infra-red body wrap. I'm praying I experience the same kind of results I did the first time. I'm nearing the end of my first of three months of 200mg of Co Enzyme Q10 and 200 mg gingko biloba (recommended in Dr. Alison Bested's book). I don't know for sure if I've experience any benefits of it yet but I'm committed to trying it for the 3 months.

Thanks for the encouraging comments. I'm trying to get better about blogging about my fibro but like everything...doing the best I can. I really appreciate that anyone reads my ramblings.

Hopeful Treatment

I've had some success with infra-red saunas as a source of treatment. Unfortunately, to get one that is well made, has the right kind of heat and will not off gas toxins from the construction materials we are looking at about $3500.00. Over time it certainly would pay for itself but to gather together that kind of money at the outset is not an easy feat for a family with 4 growing children. I have access to one but I only have that access if the King is with me. This is a busy time of year for him that requires much travel so my visits have been very minimal. The massage therapist in the office I work tried an infra-red body wrap at a local spa. The body wrap is advertised for weight loss but she thought it may be helpful to me as I had some good results with the sauna. I discovered that I could claim it as a "wellness" treatment through my husband's insurance so I forked out $75 to give it a try. I've been feeling so poorly since 2010 began I figured I had nothing to lose. The woman at the spa was very knowledgeable and professional. Rather than wrapping my arms as she would for someone interested in weight loss she wrapped those bits up my back and around my neck, I was also wrapped around the middle and my legs. I relaxed for an hour doing nothing but resting, hydrating and sweating. I was amazed at how refreshed I felt immediately after. I felt amazing several hours later albeit tired. She said that I would likely feel tired for a few days but how great my body felt definitely made up for the tired. The effects of the wrap lasted nearly 3 weeks. I was even surprised by my visit from AF as I usually feel like total crap the week before and regularly experience flare symptoms, if not full blown flare. It wasn't until our weather turned from spring to spring snowstorm that I felt poorly again. I will definitely try the treatment again. If I purchase 10 sessions at once than I get a $25/treatment reduction.

I have an hour to pull it together before the kids come home from school. I just want to cry... I hurt so bad. It's a beautiful day and everyone is raving about the weather. I can barely walk from the kitchen to the living room without crying and the stairs nearly kill me. It is getting worse with every day and I'm tired. Tired of letting my family down, tired of feeling like crap, tired of gritting my teeth through the pain when all I want to do is cry. I work 2 days this week and Friday we are supposed to be going to see the Olympic torch run through the next town, we've even been invited to a special breakfast that day. The kids are really excited about it and we are taking them out of school to see this once in a lifetime event. I hate that the things that help me make it through cost money. Sure we have extended health benefits but they have limits to the alternative medicine things we can use and I'm nearly out of my allowed massages, the new year starts in May so that is a lot of months to spread it over. I could have meds for life but I have to ration the stuff that actually helps me a little bit. So frustrated and so sick of feeling like crap.

It's been awhile..

I've have been avoiding this place. I was doing pretty good for much of the fall and started working 2 days a week with the Chiropractor that comes to town from the big city. I managed to hold it together thru to Christmas. I wasn't always feeling great but managed to push through and live life somewhat normally. However, since New Years I've been really suffering. I'm not sleeping, even with the help of sleep aids, I hurt so much when I lay flat and no amount of pillows, propping, heat packs, lotions, etc seem to help. I've been having trouble on and off with my hands, particularly my right one. The other day I was trying to scoop roasted butternut squash out of the shell and could not manage the fine motor skills required to do that simple task. At times I can't open my water bottle or take the foil seal off my yogurt drinks. It's crazy and frustrating. I did get some relief from massage before Christmas when it was really bad. The chiropractor tried to do some treatments with the activator on my arm and hand as I couldn't bear a traditional adjustment. The King ran all the way into the city tonight to get me a new topical cream we saw on a commercial in hopes that it might offer some relief as my heated mittens and Dream Cream were not cutting it. I think the Voltaren helped some as I'm typing this. I guess we will see. The side effects and warnings for a OTC topical cream kind of freak me out so it's not something I want to have to use often. I've been taking Methocarbamol for pain. It's also OTC and while it loops me it isn't as bad as any of the script stuff I've tried. It takes the edge off a bit but doesn't take it all away. I wish there was a magic solution. I'm getting worn out. Day 11 of feeling like crap... no energy and always pain is not fun. I really needed to vent about it so I guess that is why I came here. The weather has changed drastically from the -25 Celsius to the +6 Celsius range which also wrecks havoc with my body. We had a ten degree difference in one day and then it proceeded to go up and down. This week is supposed to be a warm one and then we may head back to the deep freeze. Oh joy... that means my body will adjust to the new temps and then get hit with another whammy. Even the King is feeling the weather change this time and has his own set of hurts.

Looking for strength

I'm into week 3 of every day pain. I'm not very fun to be around. Weeks of gritting my teeth with no relief have me either weeping or lashing out in anger. I'm at the edge of it all. The King wants me to go back to the doctor... again I told him there is not a magic pill to fix this. My experience with meds is not a good one and I really don't need to have more problems. I'm tired. Tired physically, emotionally and spiritually. My brain races but my thoughts are a jumbled mess. I repeat myself with the important things I need to remember for everyone. I have a lot on my plate this month and I don't know how I'm going to get through it. It's not stuff I can slough off for others to do.

Today I'd hope to sleep the day away but I can't fall asleep. So I'm trying to rest... someone's dog won't stop barking but if I close the window I will boil to death.

I miss who I used to be. It seems pointless to even make plans because who knows where I will be at when it comes time to do them.

I had a diet pop without thinking the other day and I know that the rat poison in it is definitely a trigger. I've advised the King to remind me that it's poison to my body if I reach for one again.

It's been awhile.. hello flare!

I haven't missed you at all miserable flare. I was quite enjoying my summer without you. I tried to extend the time between chiro appointments and that was not a good idea. I'm sure last week of rain didn't help any either. Will be back getting adjusted on Tuesday and you'd better take a hike. It was good to feel normal for a bit.

Spring Snowstorm... yet again

brrrr.... it's damp and cold which makes me sore... blah. Had a doctors appointment today for my yearly woman fun. We also talked about my fibro and how the alternative treatments were working, if I'd tried the meds she gave me to help sleep, etc. I admitted that I've been in a bit of a funk since I quit Dr. Voodoo and with that I also stopped massage. I said I feel like I'm in a bit of a grieving stage and learning to not pine for the old me and all I could do. I told her I know that I was neglecting myself and just throwing a bit of a pity party. She said we all do that and it's completely understandable. She said the fibro is such a frustrating condition and sometimes it will seem like there are no answers or solutions. I said that I think I will look for another acupuncturist as I know that it did help me in the beginning. I also recognize that it likely won't heal me but it can help me manage the symptoms better. She is going to do some bloodwork again to see if my RA levels have increased at all. She said I could try taking the Amitriptyline more consistently as some people find that it helps with the pain as well as getting the rest. My challenge is that it will zoink me for a solid 12 hours and I don't hear my kids... not a problem when the King is home but he travels alot this month. I may give it a go while he is home for a week straight. I've only taken them when absolutely exhausted from nights of insomnia. I start another year with insurance so I can head back to massage again without worrying about the out of pocket. Will book an appointment soon. Seriously considering trying a chiropractor who also specializes in acupuncture. Need to get my bloodwork and mammogram appointments settled first. Trying not to overschedule myself but with kids in soccer 5 times a week it can be tough.

Thanks for bearing with me and my complaining. I have been trying hard not to post when I feel like total crap. I do realize how blessed I am that this is not a condition that will take my life. I do know that there are others who have far worse burdens to bear. I'm doing what I can to work through the grief of losing who I was and trying to find the new me in all this.

Who beat me up?

I feel like someone beat the life out of me last night. My whole body aches. It hurts to walk, to move, to type, to breath. I have to get the Jester to his first soccer game tonight. I'm still single parenting as the King is away til tomorrow, home briefly and then gone again. My brain is fried. I'm sick of pain. I can't find a silver lining anywhere.

Losing it

I can't cope with this pain. It keeps getting worse. I feel so useless. My patience is very thin. I hate myself. I hate trying to function through gritted teeth. I wish the meds didn't put me in such a haze. I don't know what to do or how to cope anymore. I feel so alone in this horrible thing. God help me.

Still having hand challenges

I've still been having quite a bit of hand pain. It makes typing difficult. The weather has been up and down so I'm sure that plays a part in it. Along with the hand pain comes my regular pains. Didn't have a huge flare up as a result of PMS this go around. We were without water due to a water main break for 2 days which made it harder to manage the day without my hot shower. I think the Sierra Sil helps because I felt worse when I stopped taking it for a week. Wish I could be pain free. It really wears on a person. Having hand pain really isolates me from my imaginary cyber world and we all know that the real life people lost patience with my illness long ago. The King is gone alot in the next while. Soccer has started so I'm doing all I can to make it through. The house could be falling apart as a result but I just can't manage it all and soccer seems to matter the most to the royal family at the moment.

Not my hands!!!

Yesterday I had such pain in my wrists, finger joints and elbows that I could not even type or navigate the laptop without cringing. You know that I'm in trouble when I can't use the computer. ;) I tried dream cream and finally hot packs to get some relief. After making supper I could scarcely hold a cup without biting back the tears. I spent the night heating and reheating my miracle bag to wrap it around one hand and then place that warm wrapped hand on top of the other. It is much better today. Thank God. I cannot begin to imagine how I will cope if this becomes a new regular part of my roving pain. My hips and neck are bothering me today. I can feel pain starting in my right shoulder and will get off the 'puter before it descends down my arm. *sigh*

Spring Snowstorm

I'm in agony. Yesterday was a gloomy day that slowly turned to cold and rainy which transformed into snow by about 10:00 pm. It's damp and cold. My body is rebelling. I can barely move today. I'm trying to get the strength to head back upstairs and crawl into the bath. I wish I had a spa in my living room right now. I guess a good part about this is I was able to anticipate that I'd be in bad shape today and rescheduled an appointment. The old me would have pushed myself to keep the appointment and suffered terribly for it.

It feels like my right hip has been torn from it's socket. The pain shoots out from the pelvis down to rest in the knee, shoots down again and rests in the ankle. It is keeping me from sleep tonight so I came down and took a amitriptyline. It seems to help with both pain and sleep. They knock me out pretty good so I don't take them very often. I hope that it won't take long to kick in. Meantime, I'll watch Sarah's Cottage on PVR. I love Sarah Richardson's shows. I also love PVR, it makes my insomnia nights so much better. No more watching crazy reality shows, shopping channel or late night reruns.

It's a beautiful day!

The sun is shining and it's warm enough to have the windows open. I can hardly believe it. The dog is basking in the sun on the back deck. I just finished make 50 meatballs which means I will have several batches for the freezer to use on my can't muster the energy to cook days. YIPPEE!

Last night I had some wrist, elbow and shoulder pain on the right side. I used the dream cream and the hot pack most of the night. Today it's still really tender and I should probably get the hot pack out as soon as I'm done this post. I can't think of anything I did to strain that arm. Maybe I'm having sympathy pains for the Prince and his broken wrist. Who knows. I'm proud of myself for pushing through it and getting the meatballs made. I did not want to waste my good energy today by letting that pain keep me from accomplishing anything. I do know that that is about all my arm can handle today so the laundry baskets will have to wait for the King to bring upstairs for me.

Going to rest and look at gardening ideas. Hope you are having a blessed day!

Spring???

Do I dare say it? The forecast for this week is all above 0 temps. Is it possible that spring has finally come to the great white north? I sure hope so. The cold wreaks havoc with my fibro and the up and down temps are almost too much to try to cope with bodywise. Spring and summer are definitely better for me so I hope that this is it.

I've just finished week 2 of my herbs and I feel like I have more energy. I am having some pain in my shoulder area and my knees have their moments. My pelvis area isn't as bad as it was mid-March so maybe things are looking up.

I'm cautiously optimistic. I always feel dramatically better once AF has left the building.

Wham!

She arrives with a vengeance sucking all my energy and giving me more pain. Man, I hate this! The King and I were going to sneak away for a few days this week. He has work to do but I thought a change of scenery would be nice. Blah! Now I'm dreading the travel, strange bed and packing. I hope that my massage tomorrow will give me some pain relief.

Weekly update

Tomorrow it will be a week since I started back on my herbs and added the new one, Sierra Sil. I have to say that my mood has improved and I'm feeling more like myself mentally. For my mood to be improving this week is no small feat because I should be in the throes of PMS. I think my energy levels are getting better as well. I need to work on managing my stress and pacing myself. Why is this such an impossible thing for me?

Today I purchased some Gardener's Dream Cream - Hallelujah. I noticed on the website that several Sangsters stores carried it so decided to check out the one I got my Sierra Sil from. They have revamped their packaging so I thought that I might have missed in on the shelf when I was there last week. They did not have it in stock and did not carry it. When I told her that the website said other Sangsters did she phoned one in the next city and then had her husband pick it up from there as he was in that city. It was well worth the extra trip back to the city tonight to pick it up as I can feel it working in my knees already. She said that she will now make sure to carry the product. I am very thankful for the special effort she and her husband took to get me this product. They will definitely be my first stop for my herbs and supps. She also encouraged me to try a sample of Natural Calm so we shall see how that goes.

The King talked to some representatives from Yame Tea who were in the store with samples of their line of tea. We ended up purchasing some of that as well. I was pleasantly surprised that it lacked that bitter quality you often find with green tea. I need to cut back, if not eliminate my coffee addiction and this tea supposedly has great benefits. I was most interested in it's relaxing qualities for sleep as well as potential relief of joint pain. I'll keep you posted on it's effectiveness. If it does nothing else but help me to get to sleep better than it is worth it.

Moving forward...

I had a massage today. Joyce has almost had to start over with me. My reaction to the healing by fire really did a number on my nervous system. She said she could feel my body shaking when I was just relaying the experience. We got some work done today but there is only so much one can do in an hour. I will go back next week.

I'm feeling a bit more energetic. I definitely think that is the Greens+ because I felt that way when I was taking them prior to the chinese herbs.

My knees have been really giving me grief and I have a ton of stress in my jaw, shoulders and neck. I've been good at drinking my water. I also took my bath in dead sea salts tonight. I wish my tub held the heat for longer. Why do newer tubs not hold the heat?

I'm feeling more and more at peace about my decision to not continue with Dr. X. I'm trying to give myself some grace as I work back through this rough patch into a place where I feel more in control of my affliction.

Today I'm thankful for my husband who is so patient and understanding through all of this and for my angel Joyce and her healing hands.

In full out flare!

I'm in a major flare at the moment. Took me a few days to realize it. I have horrid fog and unless it's written down or someone is reminding me I'm a mess. I hurt, I'm depressed and miserable.

I need to get a hold of my triggers and manage them better. I think the greatest reason I'm in the place I am is my inability to manage stress. I've been getting down and really frustrated with all this. Add life on top of that and I'm letting everything send me down. The King has had to travel quite a bit and with him being my only source of human contact and support this days it makes it harder on me.

I think that I'm going to look for another acupuncturist. I've decided that I have the right to not have to listen to his mumbo jumbo tape, to have him know who I am without having to read my file, to not feel less than because I'm sensitive and to not be left in the room alone when you do a strange new treatment on me that sends me off the deep end in a new realm of anxiety and fear. He can't be the only acupuncturist that has success dealing with people with fibro. I've read of others who have had good results. Now I have to source out someone new. My insurance is up til May so I have some time to sort this out. Meantime I may or may not see Dr. X for some straight acupuncture treatments.

I decided to start taking my Omega 3 + Joy again. Today is my first day. It made me feel so good and I only went off it because Dr. X didn't want anything interfering with his herbs. I don't believe his herbs are helping me at the moment and I've told him as much. I just can't hang on like this waiting for a maybe upswing again. I'm at the end of it mentally.

What do you think? Am I giving up? Should I hang in there with Dr. X? Is it about time I went another way? I just wish there was some clear path to take. *sigh*

Trying to fight off the plague

I've been doing all that I can to fight off the plague that the King has had. I'm starting to worry that it is setting in as it hurts to breathe. I don't have a sore throat, cough or runny nose but last night I had horrible pain whenever I took a deep breath. I also had weird pain down my sides starting around the boob area and running down a few inches. My energy is zero and I've been having trouble sleeping again. This morning was a complete write off for me as it hurt whenever I took a good breath. I had to get my act together to get supper on early as we had PTA tonight. I had to get some support to unload this fundraiser that has been a bust with the parents. Unfortunately PTA lasted forever because we had our illustrious school trustee aka our mayor and rambling moron grace us with his presence for too long. I came home to AF, thank goodness the my liner held out as I wasn't expecting her arrival. (I only took my laptop bag and not my purse tonight. Could have had a jr. high flashback!! :S) So now I'm not sure what to think about my struggles- fighting off the King's disease or just my pms hell or maybe a mix of both.

I wish I wasn't having trouble sleeping again. I should have maybe booked a massage this week but it's a short week with school (early dismissal and friday off) so I didn't bother. I don't even want to go see Dr. X on Monday. I need to sort out how I feel about that all still. I'm thinking that my 2 x a day herbs are preventing me from sleep even though he has told me before they shouldn't keep me up. I try to take my first dose when I first wake up, which has been pretty consistently 930 am (shocking) but I don't always remember because I'm braindead these days. Then I try to take my 2nd round before the kids get home from school but again that doesn't always happen until I see my reminder on the fridge when I'm cooking supper.

I really should try to go to sleep. It seems that when I'm laying flat that my breathing pain is worse but when I prop up on a bunch of pillows I can't sleep. *sigh* I know I'm a whining baby. I'm getting really tired of feeling like total crap and my silver lining ability is pretty much non-existent.