Sleep...at last.

Took an amitriptyline at about 12:30 last night, fell asleep about 30 minutes later and slept til noon today. I've not been in a very good frame of mind of late. I'm lonely and I have been feeling so poorly physically. Trying to cope with my pain has made me edgy and miserable, add AF into the mix and you've got a less than pleasant Queen. We've had some family stresses to deal with as well in regards to the Jester's education. A comment made during one of our meetings really sent me down the "you have failed as his mom" path. It is my interpretation of what was said and I need to work through that.

The rest of the royal family is away right now, including the dog. I was supposed to join the King while the kids were at the grandparents. However, his one meeting turned into 2 days of meetings and it seemed pointless for me to sit in a hotel room feeling like crap when I could just stay home. We felt bad canceling the kennel on such short notice as she went above and beyond to find space for us. We'd like to go away in the summer and we totally trust this dog ranch to take care of our sweet escape artist. To maintain our relationship there we decided to send her anyway.

It's far too quiet. I have no plans and will likely take another amitripyline earlier tonight so I can just sleep again. I know I'm sleep deprived and that causes more pain and irritability. It seems like a waste of 2 days but spring cleaning will send me into a worse state physically and I don't have anyone to hang out with. It's spring break and people are away or frankly it's too much drama or pressure for me to try to be well and make plans. No one wants to hear about my woes anyway.

My head is killing me

I thought I was starting an upswing but that was short lived. I'm really foggy today so I hope this makes sense. Last night I tried one of the sleeping pills my doctor had given me quite some time ago. I've never tried it before but I really needed to just sleep and I was in so much pain last night. It took awhile to take effect but it then knocked me out til almost 11:30 am :(... obviously not something I can take on a regular basis.

Yesterday I totally crashed all day. I'm so sore and weak. I'm extremely frustrated as well. I'm at a loss as to what to do with my treatment. I just wish there was a clear course of action to take that would give me the results I so desperately want.

Trying to fight off the plague

I've been doing all that I can to fight off the plague that the King has had. I'm starting to worry that it is setting in as it hurts to breathe. I don't have a sore throat, cough or runny nose but last night I had horrible pain whenever I took a deep breath. I also had weird pain down my sides starting around the boob area and running down a few inches. My energy is zero and I've been having trouble sleeping again. This morning was a complete write off for me as it hurt whenever I took a good breath. I had to get my act together to get supper on early as we had PTA tonight. I had to get some support to unload this fundraiser that has been a bust with the parents. Unfortunately PTA lasted forever because we had our illustrious school trustee aka our mayor and rambling moron grace us with his presence for too long. I came home to AF, thank goodness the my liner held out as I wasn't expecting her arrival. (I only took my laptop bag and not my purse tonight. Could have had a jr. high flashback!! :S) So now I'm not sure what to think about my struggles- fighting off the King's disease or just my pms hell or maybe a mix of both.

I wish I wasn't having trouble sleeping again. I should have maybe booked a massage this week but it's a short week with school (early dismissal and friday off) so I didn't bother. I don't even want to go see Dr. X on Monday. I need to sort out how I feel about that all still. I'm thinking that my 2 x a day herbs are preventing me from sleep even though he has told me before they shouldn't keep me up. I try to take my first dose when I first wake up, which has been pretty consistently 930 am (shocking) but I don't always remember because I'm braindead these days. Then I try to take my 2nd round before the kids get home from school but again that doesn't always happen until I see my reminder on the fridge when I'm cooking supper.

I really should try to go to sleep. It seems that when I'm laying flat that my breathing pain is worse but when I prop up on a bunch of pillows I can't sleep. *sigh* I know I'm a whining baby. I'm getting really tired of feeling like total crap and my silver lining ability is pretty much non-existent.

Sometimes I'm a little slow

I've finally figured out that there can be a correlation between pms and the dreaded arrival of AF (Auntie Flo for those not in the know) and increased fibro symptoms. Doh! My pain increases the week prior and the first bit after she arrives. I also struggle with the blues (something I'm normally on top of these days which is a far cry from where I was even a year ago...I haven't even used my blue light therapy this winter). Of course I'm so grumpy, noise sensitivity is at the top (try finding quiet in this house before 10 or 11 pm) and generally not pleasant to be around. Now that I've finally figured it out I need to see what I can do to alleviate things.