It's raining, it's pouring....

.... maybe I'd feel better if I was snoring?!?! The rain started overnight. I should have guessed it was coming as I was starting to feel poorly last night. However, we had a really busy weekend with soccer, piano recitals, etc. The King is out of town so that means I have to push it to the limit to get the crew to where they need to be without backup. I tried to take it easy yesterday orchestrating chores, helping the Princess organize her card making materials, supervising piano teacher cards, Father's Day cards and Father's Day crafts. I was still beat by the end of the day. Just as I thought I might finally be able to sleep (I have a hard time falling asleep when the King is absent) the Littlest Prince awoke complaining of a tummy ache. I got him situated in my bed with the royal barf bowl handy. He was restless and it took forever for both of us to get to sleep. He was tired this morning but his tummy was feeling better. I was hurting and knew that the lack of sunshine streaming into the room and the smell of rain, which I love, wafting in the window were to blame. I've had horrible pain across my shoulders the past week or so. Today I can lift my arms but it still hurts like crazy. I had hoped to finally get my routine bloodwork done so I could make a follow up appointment with my doctor and get that B12 shot. However, with the possibility of 2 soccer games tonight (oh how I hope they are rained out) and already feeling beat I just knew that I couldn't do it. It's frustrating to me. When I felt well enough to get the bloodwork done I had a sick child home for a week and then life ran away from me again. The King is away a good portion of June and with 3 boys in soccer 5 days a week, piano, school winding down, etc.... life is just crazy.

I managed to get an appointment on Wednesday for another infra-red body wrap. I'm praying I experience the same kind of results I did the first time. I'm nearing the end of my first of three months of 200mg of Co Enzyme Q10 and 200 mg gingko biloba (recommended in Dr. Alison Bested's book). I don't know for sure if I've experience any benefits of it yet but I'm committed to trying it for the 3 months.

Thanks for the encouraging comments. I'm trying to get better about blogging about my fibro but like everything...doing the best I can. I really appreciate that anyone reads my ramblings.

Does anyone really listen anymore?

I'm tired. This weekend sent me into flare mode. It was likely due to the drop in temperature by 30 degrees F (my American readers get confused when I use Celsius). We had rain and wet snow which never makes life easy for a Fibro girl. I had to attend an event on Sunday that was impossible to miss. My Mom was throwing a bridal shower for my cousin and the Princess is a junior bridesmaid. The King did not want me to go because he knew that I'd be unable to just sit and would be pitching in to help where I could. I tried to do the minimal but when you don't look sick and there are women older than you stepping up while young women sit round. I wasn't raised that way and I just can't do it no matter how much I pay for it later. The Princess was doing all she could to make sure I didn't have to do much but when you are in flare even the most mundane tasks can be too much.

A family member called today and I made the mistake, again, of truthfully answering the "How are you?" question. I don't know why I bother. She doesn't hear me when I try to explain fibromyalgia, she thinks it equates to depression and for me it doesn't. I've been depressed before. I've done the med circuit for post partum depression that morphed into plain old depression. It was the worst time of my life. Yes... even worse than dealing with the hell that is fibro. I can't imagine dealing with fibro and depression as so many of my fellow sufferers do. I am SO grateful that I have not had to deal with them together. I am tired of explaining that there is no magic pill. I'm tired of explaining that I chose not to take pain meds because I have addictive tendencies and very low tolerance for meds. I chose not to live my life in a haze... there are days I wish I could but I know my body and I chose not to put myself or my family through that kind of living. I told her that I over did it when I was already feeling poorly and now that I will have to pay the price for a few days while my body tries to recuperate. She made the comment "that is no way to live". I replied explaining that sometimes you have to do things you shouldn't do because you don't want to let people down. That if it would have been any other occasion on Sunday that I would have excused myself but bridal showers are once in a lifetime events. It is during times like this that I wish my skin would turn green or a neon sign would appear over my head so people would see that the one who doesn't look sick is sick and shouldn't push herself and has sacrificed a lot to be there for your special day and will sacrifice further as she tries to recover from doing to much to make it a special day.

I don't want your pity. I don't want your "cures". I don't want your diagnosis or analysis. I want your understanding. I want you to hear me without telling me stupid things like that is no way to live.... it is a way to live... it is the way I live and many like me live. It is the way our families live. It is not just me who suffers when I am sick... it is my whole family who pays the price.

Spring Snowstorm

I'm in agony. Yesterday was a gloomy day that slowly turned to cold and rainy which transformed into snow by about 10:00 pm. It's damp and cold. My body is rebelling. I can barely move today. I'm trying to get the strength to head back upstairs and crawl into the bath. I wish I had a spa in my living room right now. I guess a good part about this is I was able to anticipate that I'd be in bad shape today and rescheduled an appointment. The old me would have pushed myself to keep the appointment and suffered terribly for it.

It's a beautiful day!

The sun is shining and it's warm enough to have the windows open. I can hardly believe it. The dog is basking in the sun on the back deck. I just finished make 50 meatballs which means I will have several batches for the freezer to use on my can't muster the energy to cook days. YIPPEE!

Last night I had some wrist, elbow and shoulder pain on the right side. I used the dream cream and the hot pack most of the night. Today it's still really tender and I should probably get the hot pack out as soon as I'm done this post. I can't think of anything I did to strain that arm. Maybe I'm having sympathy pains for the Prince and his broken wrist. Who knows. I'm proud of myself for pushing through it and getting the meatballs made. I did not want to waste my good energy today by letting that pain keep me from accomplishing anything. I do know that that is about all my arm can handle today so the laundry baskets will have to wait for the King to bring upstairs for me.

Going to rest and look at gardening ideas. Hope you are having a blessed day!

Spring???

Do I dare say it? The forecast for this week is all above 0 temps. Is it possible that spring has finally come to the great white north? I sure hope so. The cold wreaks havoc with my fibro and the up and down temps are almost too much to try to cope with bodywise. Spring and summer are definitely better for me so I hope that this is it.

I've just finished week 2 of my herbs and I feel like I have more energy. I am having some pain in my shoulder area and my knees have their moments. My pelvis area isn't as bad as it was mid-March so maybe things are looking up.

I'm cautiously optimistic. I always feel dramatically better once AF has left the building.