It's a beautiful day!

The sun is shining and it's warm enough to have the windows open. I can hardly believe it. The dog is basking in the sun on the back deck. I just finished make 50 meatballs which means I will have several batches for the freezer to use on my can't muster the energy to cook days. YIPPEE!

Last night I had some wrist, elbow and shoulder pain on the right side. I used the dream cream and the hot pack most of the night. Today it's still really tender and I should probably get the hot pack out as soon as I'm done this post. I can't think of anything I did to strain that arm. Maybe I'm having sympathy pains for the Prince and his broken wrist. Who knows. I'm proud of myself for pushing through it and getting the meatballs made. I did not want to waste my good energy today by letting that pain keep me from accomplishing anything. I do know that that is about all my arm can handle today so the laundry baskets will have to wait for the King to bring upstairs for me.

Going to rest and look at gardening ideas. Hope you are having a blessed day!

Weekly update

Tomorrow it will be a week since I started back on my herbs and added the new one, Sierra Sil. I have to say that my mood has improved and I'm feeling more like myself mentally. For my mood to be improving this week is no small feat because I should be in the throes of PMS. I think my energy levels are getting better as well. I need to work on managing my stress and pacing myself. Why is this such an impossible thing for me?

Today I purchased some Gardener's Dream Cream - Hallelujah. I noticed on the website that several Sangsters stores carried it so decided to check out the one I got my Sierra Sil from. They have revamped their packaging so I thought that I might have missed in on the shelf when I was there last week. They did not have it in stock and did not carry it. When I told her that the website said other Sangsters did she phoned one in the next city and then had her husband pick it up from there as he was in that city. It was well worth the extra trip back to the city tonight to pick it up as I can feel it working in my knees already. She said that she will now make sure to carry the product. I am very thankful for the special effort she and her husband took to get me this product. They will definitely be my first stop for my herbs and supps. She also encouraged me to try a sample of Natural Calm so we shall see how that goes.

The King talked to some representatives from Yame Tea who were in the store with samples of their line of tea. We ended up purchasing some of that as well. I was pleasantly surprised that it lacked that bitter quality you often find with green tea. I need to cut back, if not eliminate my coffee addiction and this tea supposedly has great benefits. I was most interested in it's relaxing qualities for sleep as well as potential relief of joint pain. I'll keep you posted on it's effectiveness. If it does nothing else but help me to get to sleep better than it is worth it.

Moving forward...

I had a massage today. Joyce has almost had to start over with me. My reaction to the healing by fire really did a number on my nervous system. She said she could feel my body shaking when I was just relaying the experience. We got some work done today but there is only so much one can do in an hour. I will go back next week.

I'm feeling a bit more energetic. I definitely think that is the Greens+ because I felt that way when I was taking them prior to the chinese herbs.

My knees have been really giving me grief and I have a ton of stress in my jaw, shoulders and neck. I've been good at drinking my water. I also took my bath in dead sea salts tonight. I wish my tub held the heat for longer. Why do newer tubs not hold the heat?

I'm feeling more and more at peace about my decision to not continue with Dr. X. I'm trying to give myself some grace as I work back through this rough patch into a place where I feel more in control of my affliction.

Today I'm thankful for my husband who is so patient and understanding through all of this and for my angel Joyce and her healing hands.

Starting to feel a bit more human

Today I baked cookies (from scratch and not the bucket o' dough as I have been doing lately), had everything prepped to throw stew in the oven and was showered by 11:00 am. No, I didn't wet the bed. I slept on the hide-a- bed in the living room because the King has some chainsaw throat, hacking plague and I think I just might die if I catch it so I'm doing all I can to avoid the germs. The kids were super quiet this morning but I did wake up to them moving around which is nothing short of a miracle considering I took pain meds last night and didn't get to sleep til after 2. It is bitter cold tonight and I can feel it everywhere. I hope I can fall asleep soon. I'm back on the hide-a-bed as the King has been working while trying to beat this thing so it's hanging on for dear life. He needs to rest and has finally turned off his crackberry, apparently some of his emails late last night were less than coherent and his co-workers told him to go to bed and just say no to crackberry plus cold meds. I hope he can sleep in some tomorrow. He tried yesterday but had 150 messages by early afternoon so then tried to get caught up again. Please pray that I can fend off his plague.

Today was a not bad day in terms of pain, fog and energy. I'm tired and achy tonight but the cold (-33 C with the wind and dampness) really wrecks havoc with my body so that is to be expected. I wish we could move back to the desert but it's even cold there this winter.

I wish I could find it

My energy has disappeared and I so wish I could find it. I'm exhausted after doing the simplest things like grooming. gah Upside is I'm not sleeping til 10:00 am because I was up til 4. My clock seems to have reset itself for 9 am and I'm ok with that right now. I'm so thankful for my awesome husband who takes care of the morning routine with the kids. What a blessing that he works from home and is able to do that for me, for us, for them. I know many men who would grumble even if they were working from home because that is not their "job" but my man is such a hands on parent. So often during my hell I think he is the better parent. I try not to beat myself up for that and be grateful for it.....but it's hard when your bodys fails and you feel like you fail everyone you care about in the process. AF has left the building and my pain has subsided greatly. Dr. X. really did a number on me yesterday with my pressure points. My hips are still rather tender from the acupressure and subsequent acupuncture. My generalized all over body achiness is better though so I'll take the pain where I have it over the it-hurts-to-wear-clothes pain.

I will do my best to take it easy today and try to find my energy. I have to prepare food for Valentines parties on Friday for the Jester and the Little Prince, deal with a monthly PTA fundraiser on Thursday and get a birthday present for our Princess sometime this week. The King has taken care of the birthday events. He will be taking the Princess to Apple school on Saturday, they are taking a Jam class. Then on Sunday we've made arrangements to take her 2 BFFs to the matinee and the Marble Slab for birthday ice cream. No pressure on me to feel good and entertain a houseful of girls. YEAH!

I'm so glad we decided to do our Valentine's cards early. This year it was individual popcorn packets (we have no allergies in either class this year) for the Jester and the Little Prince's classes. We made wrap around labels from construction paper that they decorated and wrote the names on. I know I could have had something done that looked fancy but I really think that the Valentine's should be done by them not me. Princess found a scrappin kit to make cards for her girls and then recycled some left over store bought ones for the boys in her class, she put together little treat bags with erasers, candy and popcorn. The Princess even had two things of XO soap squirrelled away, from a stash of Valentine's day goodies that Auntie C sent her from CA a few years ago, to give to her teachers.

I'd better run and take my herbs before I forget about them.

And so it begins

I have been really feeling the need to talk through my struggles lately. I have difficulty doing this in my real life. I'm not dying and while this affliction robs me of so many things I know that I am so blessed compared to the health struggles that many have. So I decided to make this a place where I can come as some faceless and nameless person in cyberspace, where I cannot be judged by the looky- loos that know me irl (when you've been labeled a hypochondriac by crazies who think they know you it's hard to be honest and real about how you feel) or feel like I'm burdening those that know me in cyberspace with my whining.

I've been battling this officially (that means doctor diagnosis) for about a year but when I look back at things I can see this has been a part of my life for so much longer. I am blessed that I finally found a doctor who listened to me and is open to me trying other ways of managing this than painkillers, antidepressants and drugs. (I know that those things work wonders for many but I personally need to exhaust all other options before I can consider going back on anti-depressants (which nearly killed me). My tolerance for pain meds is very low and a mother of 4 has a hard time being an incoherent zombie). I'll share more about my treatment later.