Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Some days I just want to cry

I got rid of my self-acupuncture pads late last night. My ear was aching and I'd had enough of the headache from Monday already. I felt so out of sorts still and was hoping that I'd alleviate at least one of my symptoms by taking those retched bandaids of pain off. My headache is gone as well as my earache. Thank the Lord! I had to take something for the pain last night which made me sleep like a log once it kicked in.

Since I woke without a headache and feeling a bit better for the first time in over a week I got right to things and hopped in the shower right away (I normally have to muster up the strength to do this and I dawdle around in my jammies for a few hours first). The laundry basket was overflowing so I hauled it downstairs (normally I'd call on the King but he is not feeling well today). I nearly slipped on my way down the basement stairs which should of been my first indication that I should not venture down there. I could not believe the mess. The Prince and the Princess had been assigned the task of keeping up with the laundry by the King. They'd been read the royal riot act earlier this past week when he ventured down to the dungeon for something and saw the disaster (laundry and their rooms). So they'd had a week to get their act together and were even grounded from TV a few nights so they could do so. Unfortunately the King did not follow up and check their work. I just couldn't bear the stress of a disaster this past week. I knew that any stress would send me off the deep end physically so I avoided the dungeon. I asked them several times if they washed this load or that load, if there were more things to wash, etc. The Prince even chose to stay home while we ran errands on Saturday so he could catch up on all the laundry and his other chores (fools we are... he obviously played Wii and watched TV only doing the chores that would be most noticeable to us).

I'm so disappointed on so many levels. *sigh* I had been fooled into thinking that the Prince was actually learning how hard this is on me and had decided to take a more responsible approach to his chores and a more respectful way in treating me. He had spent 4 days with the royal grandparents and came back with some humility and a better attitude (fool I am to think that would last but thankful that my Mom had some empathy for me and that my Dad took the time to spend some time with his oldest grandson one on one). The Princess is starting to slack in the helping department but I think that is largely due to the Prince treating her like Cinderella at times and expecting her to do it all. I try to stay on top of that but she carries the burden rather than sharing it because she sees I'm suffering. I hate that she feels the need to try to protect me and I need to talk to her again about letting me be the parent despite my situation. It has been so hard for me to not be all my family needs me to be. Some days it takes everything I have to ensure that their is dinner on the table, lunches made, homework done and everyone is where they need to be that night. Many days that is all I am able to accomplish. I feel like I fail them often. I've learned to let some of the small things go and I do not have the house I used to have in the way of cleanliness, organization, over the top meals and homemade things for lunches.

So here I sit wishing for a laundry fairy and mourning, once again, what I once was.

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