Thursday, April 30, 2009

Losing it

I can't cope with this pain. It keeps getting worse. I feel so useless. My patience is very thin. I hate myself. I hate trying to function through gritted teeth. I wish the meds didn't put me in such a haze. I don't know what to do or how to cope anymore. I feel so alone in this horrible thing. God help me.

Still having hand challenges

I've still been having quite a bit of hand pain. It makes typing difficult. The weather has been up and down so I'm sure that plays a part in it. Along with the hand pain comes my regular pains. Didn't have a huge flare up as a result of PMS this go around. We were without water due to a water main break for 2 days which made it harder to manage the day without my hot shower. I think the Sierra Sil helps because I felt worse when I stopped taking it for a week. Wish I could be pain free. It really wears on a person. Having hand pain really isolates me from my imaginary cyber world and we all know that the real life people lost patience with my illness long ago. The King is gone alot in the next while. Soccer has started so I'm doing all I can to make it through. The house could be falling apart as a result but I just can't manage it all and soccer seems to matter the most to the royal family at the moment.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Not my hands!!!

Yesterday I had such pain in my wrists, finger joints and elbows that I could not even type or navigate the laptop without cringing. You know that I'm in trouble when I can't use the computer. ;) I tried dream cream and finally hot packs to get some relief. After making supper I could scarcely hold a cup without biting back the tears. I spent the night heating and reheating my miracle bag to wrap it around one hand and then place that warm wrapped hand on top of the other. It is much better today. Thank God. I cannot begin to imagine how I will cope if this becomes a new regular part of my roving pain. My hips and neck are bothering me today. I can feel pain starting in my right shoulder and will get off the 'puter before it descends down my arm. *sigh*

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Spring Snowstorm

I'm in agony. Yesterday was a gloomy day that slowly turned to cold and rainy which transformed into snow by about 10:00 pm. It's damp and cold. My body is rebelling. I can barely move today. I'm trying to get the strength to head back upstairs and crawl into the bath. I wish I had a spa in my living room right now. I guess a good part about this is I was able to anticipate that I'd be in bad shape today and rescheduled an appointment. The old me would have pushed myself to keep the appointment and suffered terribly for it.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Sheesh... was knocked out til almost 11:20 am today. Did not hear the kids and the King this morning. First noise that roused me was the secondary school out for lunch. The weather is nice so there are throngs of noisy kids walking down our street to get to the stores on main. Hip pain is gone but I feel groggy still. Need to get my act together soon as it is early dismissal today. The Princess has piano. Better hit the shower.
It feels like my right hip has been torn from it's socket. The pain shoots out from the pelvis down to rest in the knee, shoots down again and rests in the ankle. It is keeping me from sleep tonight so I came down and took a amitriptyline. It seems to help with both pain and sleep. They knock me out pretty good so I don't take them very often. I hope that it won't take long to kick in. Meantime, I'll watch Sarah's Cottage on PVR. I love Sarah Richardson's shows. I also love PVR, it makes my insomnia nights so much better. No more watching crazy reality shows, shopping channel or late night reruns.

Monday, April 6, 2009

It's a beautiful day!

The sun is shining and it's warm enough to have the windows open. I can hardly believe it. The dog is basking in the sun on the back deck. I just finished make 50 meatballs which means I will have several batches for the freezer to use on my can't muster the energy to cook days. YIPPEE!

Last night I had some wrist, elbow and shoulder pain on the right side. I used the dream cream and the hot pack most of the night. Today it's still really tender and I should probably get the hot pack out as soon as I'm done this post. I can't think of anything I did to strain that arm. Maybe I'm having sympathy pains for the Prince and his broken wrist. Who knows. I'm proud of myself for pushing through it and getting the meatballs made. I did not want to waste my good energy today by letting that pain keep me from accomplishing anything. I do know that that is about all my arm can handle today so the laundry baskets will have to wait for the King to bring upstairs for me.

Going to rest and look at gardening ideas. Hope you are having a blessed day!

Sunday, April 5, 2009


Do I dare say it? The forecast for this week is all above 0 temps. Is it possible that spring has finally come to the great white north? I sure hope so. The cold wreaks havoc with my fibro and the up and down temps are almost too much to try to cope with bodywise. Spring and summer are definitely better for me so I hope that this is it.

I've just finished week 2 of my herbs and I feel like I have more energy. I am having some pain in my shoulder area and my knees have their moments. My pelvis area isn't as bad as it was mid-March so maybe things are looking up.

I'm cautiously optimistic. I always feel dramatically better once AF has left the building.

Thursday, April 2, 2009 last.

Took an amitriptyline at about 12:30 last night, fell asleep about 30 minutes later and slept til noon today. I've not been in a very good frame of mind of late. I'm lonely and I have been feeling so poorly physically. Trying to cope with my pain has made me edgy and miserable, add AF into the mix and you've got a less than pleasant Queen. We've had some family stresses to deal with as well in regards to the Jester's education. A comment made during one of our meetings really sent me down the "you have failed as his mom" path. It is my interpretation of what was said and I need to work through that.

The rest of the royal family is away right now, including the dog. I was supposed to join the King while the kids were at the grandparents. However, his one meeting turned into 2 days of meetings and it seemed pointless for me to sit in a hotel room feeling like crap when I could just stay home. We felt bad canceling the kennel on such short notice as she went above and beyond to find space for us. We'd like to go away in the summer and we totally trust this dog ranch to take care of our sweet escape artist. To maintain our relationship there we decided to send her anyway.

It's far too quiet. I have no plans and will likely take another amitripyline earlier tonight so I can just sleep again. I know I'm sleep deprived and that causes more pain and irritability. It seems like a waste of 2 days but spring cleaning will send me into a worse state physically and I don't have anyone to hang out with. It's spring break and people are away or frankly it's too much drama or pressure for me to try to be well and make plans. No one wants to hear about my woes anyway.