Tuesday, February 17, 2009

New Pain

I have new pain lately under my arm pits and down the sides as well as from shoulder blade to shoulder blade. It feels like I'm deeply bruised and it is tender to touch, clothes, laying down on my back or sides... yeah sleeping is a challenge. I've been trying to keep it all in as last week was busy with school activities and the Princess had her birthday festivities this weekend. Last night I could not sleep as a result of the pain which of course leaves me so exhausted in the morning. I don't think the King was very appreciative of the timing of this latest sleepless night as he needed me up this morning and had a hard time waking me. That always makes me feel like a failure as a Mom and a wife ( I put that on me, he doesn't even though I know he gets frustrated).

This week is my personal week of appointments that are supposed to make me feel good - hair and nails, even lunch with a friend. It's something that I've not done for years and an important part of me finding time for myself and feeling better. I honestly don't know how I'm going to swing it all and would rather just crawl back into bed. Can you believe I'm dreading doing stuff that I wasn't able to do for me for years? Yeah, I'm that pathetic. *sigh*

I just wish that I could get on top of this again. Part of me almost wishes I never had that glimpse of normal life- little pain, good energy, etc back in December. I was coping better with these limitations and frustrations before that. I'm really down on myself and I know that I push things too far sometimes because my family so enjoyed me being normal. I just don't know what to do.

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