Spark up a doobie??

So the latest on the fibromyalgia front is that marijuana may help with the pain. You can read the CNN Health article What do you think? Is it something you've tried? Would you consider it?

As the mother of 4 children, 2 of which are teenagers, I don't know how I could start to rationalize trying such a treatment. Yes they are intelligent kids but the fact that a) it's illegal and b) you spend your life teaching them to just say no to drugs weighs heavy on me. I tend to shun any pain medication because of how it affects my brain- the fog, the way my body metabolizes them outweighs any temporary relief I may get from pain pills. I've opted for alternative ways to cope with my pain.

Part of me is intrigued by the possibilities of cannabis as a way to potentially have a less painful life and the other part of me thinks it is something that I couldn't do in good conscience.

Now where are those Doritos...... lol... totally kidding.

I have an hour to pull it together before the kids come home from school. I just want to cry... I hurt so bad. It's a beautiful day and everyone is raving about the weather. I can barely walk from the kitchen to the living room without crying and the stairs nearly kill me. It is getting worse with every day and I'm tired. Tired of letting my family down, tired of feeling like crap, tired of gritting my teeth through the pain when all I want to do is cry. I work 2 days this week and Friday we are supposed to be going to see the Olympic torch run through the next town, we've even been invited to a special breakfast that day. The kids are really excited about it and we are taking them out of school to see this once in a lifetime event. I hate that the things that help me make it through cost money. Sure we have extended health benefits but they have limits to the alternative medicine things we can use and I'm nearly out of my allowed massages, the new year starts in May so that is a lot of months to spread it over. I could have meds for life but I have to ration the stuff that actually helps me a little bit. So frustrated and so sick of feeling like crap.

It's been awhile..

I've have been avoiding this place. I was doing pretty good for much of the fall and started working 2 days a week with the Chiropractor that comes to town from the big city. I managed to hold it together thru to Christmas. I wasn't always feeling great but managed to push through and live life somewhat normally. However, since New Years I've been really suffering. I'm not sleeping, even with the help of sleep aids, I hurt so much when I lay flat and no amount of pillows, propping, heat packs, lotions, etc seem to help. I've been having trouble on and off with my hands, particularly my right one. The other day I was trying to scoop roasted butternut squash out of the shell and could not manage the fine motor skills required to do that simple task. At times I can't open my water bottle or take the foil seal off my yogurt drinks. It's crazy and frustrating. I did get some relief from massage before Christmas when it was really bad. The chiropractor tried to do some treatments with the activator on my arm and hand as I couldn't bear a traditional adjustment. The King ran all the way into the city tonight to get me a new topical cream we saw on a commercial in hopes that it might offer some relief as my heated mittens and Dream Cream were not cutting it. I think the Voltaren helped some as I'm typing this. I guess we will see. The side effects and warnings for a OTC topical cream kind of freak me out so it's not something I want to have to use often. I've been taking Methocarbamol for pain. It's also OTC and while it loops me it isn't as bad as any of the script stuff I've tried. It takes the edge off a bit but doesn't take it all away. I wish there was a magic solution. I'm getting worn out. Day 11 of feeling like crap... no energy and always pain is not fun. I really needed to vent about it so I guess that is why I came here. The weather has changed drastically from the -25 Celsius to the +6 Celsius range which also wrecks havoc with my body. We had a ten degree difference in one day and then it proceeded to go up and down. This week is supposed to be a warm one and then we may head back to the deep freeze. Oh joy... that means my body will adjust to the new temps and then get hit with another whammy. Even the King is feeling the weather change this time and has his own set of hurts.

Looking for strength

I'm into week 3 of every day pain. I'm not very fun to be around. Weeks of gritting my teeth with no relief have me either weeping or lashing out in anger. I'm at the edge of it all. The King wants me to go back to the doctor... again I told him there is not a magic pill to fix this. My experience with meds is not a good one and I really don't need to have more problems. I'm tired. Tired physically, emotionally and spiritually. My brain races but my thoughts are a jumbled mess. I repeat myself with the important things I need to remember for everyone. I have a lot on my plate this month and I don't know how I'm going to get through it. It's not stuff I can slough off for others to do.

Today I'd hope to sleep the day away but I can't fall asleep. So I'm trying to rest... someone's dog won't stop barking but if I close the window I will boil to death.

I miss who I used to be. It seems pointless to even make plans because who knows where I will be at when it comes time to do them.

I had a diet pop without thinking the other day and I know that the rat poison in it is definitely a trigger. I've advised the King to remind me that it's poison to my body if I reach for one again.

New Trigger, possible new treatment

Humidity is as hard on me as cold. I had a really tough time in Vancouver when the temps ranged from 32-38 C and the humidity is so much higher than we are used to on the prairie. The King took me for an infrared sauna in our hotel. It was amazing and I was able to make it through the rest of the trip without falling into flare.

I've been home for awhile but have been so busy that I haven't posted. I wanted to document this before I forgot. I am suffering today because I did too much and kept pushing myself without rest. This week I will have to take it easier than I'd planned. It's back to school soon and I need to be well for that.

If you could live in my body,
just for a day,
maybe you wouldn't think
that I feel okay.
You might understand
what it's like to be tired
by just trying to live,
just doing what's required.
If you could live in my body
you might begin to see,
that a simple drug
won't set me free.
If you could live in my skin
you'd learn to understand
that it's not in my head,
nor was it planned.
I don't want your pity
or to make you resent.
But I don't need to apologize,
or have your consent.
I am sick and I'm tired
every single day,
and it won't help to ignore it.
So listen when I say:
it helps when I relax
with a friend and some tea.
You can't understand
but please, believe me.

Submitted by Beth Turner, © butyoudontlooksick.com

It's been awhile.. hello flare!

I haven't missed you at all miserable flare. I was quite enjoying my summer without you. I tried to extend the time between chiro appointments and that was not a good idea. I'm sure last week of rain didn't help any either. Will be back getting adjusted on Tuesday and you'd better take a hike. It was good to feel normal for a bit.