Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Looking for strength

I'm into week 3 of every day pain. I'm not very fun to be around. Weeks of gritting my teeth with no relief have me either weeping or lashing out in anger. I'm at the edge of it all. The King wants me to go back to the doctor... again I told him there is not a magic pill to fix this. My experience with meds is not a good one and I really don't need to have more problems. I'm tired. Tired physically, emotionally and spiritually. My brain races but my thoughts are a jumbled mess. I repeat myself with the important things I need to remember for everyone. I have a lot on my plate this month and I don't know how I'm going to get through it. It's not stuff I can slough off for others to do.

Today I'd hope to sleep the day away but I can't fall asleep. So I'm trying to rest... someone's dog won't stop barking but if I close the window I will boil to death.

I miss who I used to be. It seems pointless to even make plans because who knows where I will be at when it comes time to do them.

I had a diet pop without thinking the other day and I know that the rat poison in it is definitely a trigger. I've advised the King to remind me that it's poison to my body if I reach for one again.


  1. Ughhh, I am so sorry. That's so frustrating. I know the feelings and internal screams...{{gentle hugs from afar}}

  2. I feel your pain. Hang in there! I am praying for you, and I have been there. You can do it! Lately I've been feeling better about my fibro, the best thing I've found for stiff mornings is my ChiliPad - a mattress pad that lets you cool down (or heat up) your bed, mine lets me set any temperature between 46 and 118 degrees. It helps with pain and I have been getting more sleep because I'm not woken up by pain as easily. Hope this helps!

  3. thank you for your comment today and encouragement, I really appreciate it. I miss reading your posts. hope you are hanging in there. hope you have a very Merry Christmas!!