Thursday, April 2, 2009 last.

Took an amitriptyline at about 12:30 last night, fell asleep about 30 minutes later and slept til noon today. I've not been in a very good frame of mind of late. I'm lonely and I have been feeling so poorly physically. Trying to cope with my pain has made me edgy and miserable, add AF into the mix and you've got a less than pleasant Queen. We've had some family stresses to deal with as well in regards to the Jester's education. A comment made during one of our meetings really sent me down the "you have failed as his mom" path. It is my interpretation of what was said and I need to work through that.

The rest of the royal family is away right now, including the dog. I was supposed to join the King while the kids were at the grandparents. However, his one meeting turned into 2 days of meetings and it seemed pointless for me to sit in a hotel room feeling like crap when I could just stay home. We felt bad canceling the kennel on such short notice as she went above and beyond to find space for us. We'd like to go away in the summer and we totally trust this dog ranch to take care of our sweet escape artist. To maintain our relationship there we decided to send her anyway.

It's far too quiet. I have no plans and will likely take another amitripyline earlier tonight so I can just sleep again. I know I'm sleep deprived and that causes more pain and irritability. It seems like a waste of 2 days but spring cleaning will send me into a worse state physically and I don't have anyone to hang out with. It's spring break and people are away or frankly it's too much drama or pressure for me to try to be well and make plans. No one wants to hear about my woes anyway.

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